Following a 27-17 loss to Bowling Green, the reactions from Pitt faithful:
- Wanstedt to Call Porn King of Pittsburgh, Inquires if His Pornstache Can Help Him Launch New Career
- Mark May's Sleeper Pick Goes to Sleep, Announcer Eats Words, Drinks Whiskey
- University President Points Out That the Football Team Has Chocked 2 Months Ahead of Schedule, Credits Planning and Watching Mark May Game Film for Efficiency in Achieving Mediocrity
In the wake of Michigan's loss to Utah:
- Michigan Attorneys Debate Whether Refusing to Pay $4 Million to WVU Would Make Rich-Rod Go Back to Morgantown.
- Lloyd Carr Enjoys Record Sized Cigar
- Michigan Athletic Director to Attempt to Schedule Central Catholic High School for Next Year's Opener
- Big House, Little Team
After Eastern Carolina, lead by QB Patrick Pinkney defeated Virginia Tech:
- ECU Pirates (1-0) Have Won Infinitely More Games Then Pittsburgh Pirates (0-10) in the Last Week
- Pinkney and the Brain Plot World Domination
Oh ya, now even with the rule technicalities, no one has won more division I-A games then Joe Paterno. Way to go Joe!